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Sadness

While I've lost two other dogs in the past, the sadness I'm feeling over Abbey has been far greater.  I don't know why -- perhaps it's because it came so suddenly and without warning.  It's hard to even take comfort in the fact it happened so quickly and she didn't suffer.  As my Mother said, "it's how I would want to go", but damn it I don't want her gone. Zak and Osita, the other two dogs I've lost were both old, very sick, and had long full lives before dying of cancer or old age.  I knew it was coming, and in many ways it was a blessing for them.   But that was 10 years ago and in the years since I've forgotten the pain.  I've not forgotten them -- I still have their ashes and their collars, and photos.  But the pain has dulled.  It's all come back again since Friday.

Also in those days we didn't have passwords for everything on earth.  Abbey or a variation thereof is incorporated into many of my online passwords so as I surf online these days I'm constantly typing her name.  It's hard to do when you are doing it through watery eyes.  She always sat under my desk when I was home working or on the computer and I keep waiting to feel her nose me for a scratch or some attention.
 
Yesterday was very hard.  I got up and she wasn't there.  I let Lucy outside and went to fill up their water and food bowls and put food in Abbey's dish out of habit.  Then when I went to call Lucy back I hollered "Girls!" as if there were still two of them and I waited for her to bound up the deck stairs.  That big silly sweetheart was such a part of my life its going to be a while for that hole to fill.  It was so quiet around the house yesterday I kept thinking I'd go up and find the closet door shut and I'd open it and she'd sheepishly come out and I'd say "Silly Abbey.."    No more...no more.

The amount of warmth and outpouring of support and shared grief from friends and family, both near and online, over Abbey's passing on Friday has been wonderful.  These days when one often feels "disconnected" from those around us because of this electronic age, when one really needs it, that connection comes back.  The friends on here, on Facebook, and elsewhere who have offered support and words of comfort have been very wonderful.  I can't say enough about what some of these friends have said or done.  It's made these past two days a bit easier, and I want to share two of them here. 

This first one a friend of Tony's posted on his Facebook page:

Rainbow Bridge Poem

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown

And my friend Jack in my motorcycle club sent me this video/song clip:



Thanks to all my friends for being there.  It makes this a bit more bearable.


Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
knance
Oct. 12th, 2009 03:28 am (UTC)
Abbey
Love the poem, Love the Video and I loved Abbey!
Don't feel so bad about calling for the "girls". Mark still comes home and the first thing he says when he walks in the door, is "Hi Boys and Girls". Boomer has been gone for 3 years, Dolly really doesn't know why he still does that and doesn't really care, she is just thrilled to have her Dad home.
ext_210360
Oct. 14th, 2009 09:46 pm (UTC)
Abby
All of the ladies who spent so many years loving Abbey will miss her so much. Especially when she would open the gate and let all of the dogs into the office area. You rascal, Abbey. You made us laugh and now you make us cry. You will always be in our hearts and we promise we will take care of your little sissy, Lucy.
Olivia, Elaine, Karen, Susie, Bonnie, and Linda.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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