Gary Gardner (grgardner) wrote,
Gary Gardner

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Bittersweet Weekend

This past weekend felt much like a roller coaster ride and was a very bittersweet one.  I took Friday off and had a very nice long 200 mile motorcycle ride out around the Kitsap Peninsula, and capped it off with a ferry ride home.  The weather was fantastic, and I was in a nice relaxed mood.   Saturday the weather was a bit cloudy, so I couldn't ride but that was OK.  I was looking forward to hanging out with my friend Elayne who is married to my longest and best friend Dave.  I don't see too much of them as they live in the San Francisco Bay area, but Dave and I spent much of our teenage years and went to BYU together, not to mention numerous madcap adventures around the west that would make for more than an amusing story or two.  He and Elayne have been married just a bit longer than Tony pandabuff  and I were, and they have four kids to which Tony and I are, in their words, "favorite uncles".  (This is quite the compliment since Dave comes from the typical Mormon family with siblings in the double-digit range, but I digress...)  Elayne was in town visiting some friends and we couldn't pass up this chance to get together.

Tony came over to the house just before Elayne got there, and we had a nice reunion, wandering around the remodeled house that Elayne hadn't seen, and talking about how "we" decided on things like the fireplace, the paint, the countertops etc.  This still is, and despite everything that's happened, very much "our" house. (See my post on that topic )   After going through the house, we needed to head to dinner and the movie, but first we stopped to see Tony's house.  Elayne loved his place as well, but when we got to Tony's bedroom, on his nightstand, was a picture of the guy he's dating.  Despite the fun we'd been having, seeing that picture really hit me hard.  Then we all went off to dinner at Icon Grill downtown.   Here is the three of us from Elayne's I-phone.

We had an absolutely fantastic time, eating, laughing, telling old stories, swapping pictures, and Elayne and Tony sharing I-phone tips.  And again, I'm confronted with another painful moment as Tony has the same picture that's on his nightstand as his wallpaper on his I-phone.  Now I can't fault him for this, he's every right to be surounded by the people that are important to him.  It just brings the point home as to what I lost, and I start to hurt all over again. 

After dinner we went to a movie (The Wrestler - not a "happy little movie" by any means - you don't leave this one feeling good), then headed home.  Tony dropped us off, said good night, and drove off.  I think that moment was the hardest.  All the memories, the stories, the laughter, were like the old times before I screwed up our relationship, and it felt so sad to see him drive off to his house as I walked in past the two carved bears with the heart that has carved in it "Gary and Tony".

The next morning we picked Tony up and went to Dim Sum and had another great time, and then dropped Elayne off and I dropped Tony off and came home to the empty house and to chores and errands -- the chores and errands we would have been doing together in the past.  Once again I went from a happy moment to one of sadness. I again realized how much I missed "us".  It seems I'm on that roller coaster a lot --  I want it to stop, and I have to wonder if it will. 

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